I’m OK – You’re OK
22 Sept – written by Katrin Kemmerzehl – Blog
In my work as an integrative counsellor, Transactional Analysis (TA) was one of my core training modalities, and I still occasionally use ideas from TA when they help make sense of patterns in relationships, communication, or how we relate to ourselves.
The name might sound a little formal at first, but in reality, it’s a practical and helpful way to understand yourself, your relationships, and the patterns that shape your life.
One of the things I like about TA is that it uses everyday language to explore thoughts, feelings, and relationships. It gives you a clear framework to understand yourself and gently supports you in making positive changes
How TA Works
Transactional Analysis is based on the idea that we all respond to life from three different ‘ego states’:
- Parent – the thoughts and behaviours we’ve learned from our parents or authority figures.
- Adult – our thoughtful, present-focused responses.
- Child – our instinctive, emotional reactions shaped by early life experiences.
We naturally move between these states, often without noticing.
TA therapy helps you become aware of these patterns, so you can respond to situations with clarity and choice, rather than simply reacting.
Where These Patterns Come From
From childhood, we pick up messages about what’s okay to feel or do, both from what people say and what we observe (‘Be strong’, ‘Don’t cry’, ‘Be a good girl or boy’, ‘Life’s not fair’, ‘Work hard’, ‘Don’t make a fuss’).
Taken together, we learn which feelings we are and are not encouraged to express by our family or our culture.
Looking at our life through a filter
Over time, these messages form a personal life script, which can shape how we think, feel, and behave today.
It’s as if we view our lives through the filter of our own life story, mistaking its perspective for reality, unaware that it clouds how we relate to others and experience the world. That means our personal script colours everything we see and do, often without us realizing it.
TA and Therapy
TA therapy helps us spot when we’re reacting out of old habits or past experiences. By noticing these patterns and understanding where they come from, we can make choices that truly fit the present.
This is giving us more freedom, clarity, and control over how we respond to life.
- Notice patterns in your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours
- Understand where they come from
- Make choices based on the present rather than old habits
It’s a collaborative process, with shared language that makes therapy feel understandable, practical, and empowering. You are an active participant in your own growth.
TA in a nutshell
TA combines insights from psychoanalysis and humanistic psychology. It’s suitable for exploring a wide range of life experiences and focuses on the belief that everyone has the capacity for self-awareness, growth, and change.
Transactional Analysis offers a way of thinking about thoughts, feelings, and relationships that some people find helpful in understanding themselves better and feeling a little more choice and ease in daily life.
If you’re curious to explore more, you’re very welcome to get in touch.
References
- Eric Berne Bibliography https://ericberne.com/eric_berne_bibliography/
- TA Simple Psychology https://www.simplypsychology.org/transactional-analysis-eric-berne.html
- I’m Ok, You’re Ok by Thomas A. Harris
- TA Today: A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis by Ian Stewart
- Transactional Analysis: 100 Key Points and Techniques by Mark Widdowson
Katrin Kemmerzehl
I am a qualified psychotherapeutic counsellor in Newcastle upon Tyne.
Please get in touch if you’re interested in arranging a consultation.