How Interpersonal Therapy can help
24 June – written by Katrin Kemmerzehl – Blog
Many people come to counselling because something in their life no longer feels the same. They may be struggling with low mood, anxiety, loneliness, relationship difficulties, or a sense of feeling stuck.
These experiences usually don’t happen in isolation. They often can be connected to changes in our relationships, significant life events, losses, transitions, or the ways we have learned to relate to ourselves and others over time.
As we begin to explore what has been happening, therapy can offer a space to make sense of these experiences and understand them in the context of your life, your relationships, and what matters most to you.
This is one of the ideas at the heart of Interpersonal Therapy (IPT), a therapeutic approach that recognises the important connection between our relationships and our emotional wellbeing (Yalom, 2002).
Relationships, Life Events and Emotional Wellbeing
Interpersonal Therapy is based on a simple but powerful idea: our emotional lives do not exist in isolation. How we feel is often closely connected to what is happening in our relationships and the experiences we are living through (Weissman, Markowitz & Klerman, 2017).
Many people notice that feelings of anxiety, sadness, overwhelm, or disconnection become more present during times of loss, conflict, loneliness, uncertainty, or significant change.
A friendship may have ended, a relationship may feel strained, a new role may bring unexpected challenges, or a life transition may leave us feeling unsteady.
Counselling offers a space to explore these experiences, make sense of what has been happening, and understand how they may be affecting you emotionally.
Our sense of wellbeing is often closely linked to connection, belonging, and the relationships that matter to us (Yalom, 2002).
As these connections become clearer, many people find it easier to respond to themselves with greater understanding and self-compassion.
How Relationships Affect Us
Feeling low, anxious, overwhelmed, lonely, emotionally exhausted or burnt out is often connected to what has been happening in our lives and relationships.
Many people describe having carried too much for too long, coping with loss, navigating conflict, going through life changes, or trying to hold everything together without enough support.
These feelings can develop when we feel unsupported, disconnected, stuck in difficult relationships, or alone with experiences that haven’t yet had space to be understood.
Therapy offers a space to slow down and make sense of what has been happening, with care and compassion. As we begin to look at things in context, difficult feelings often start to feel more understandable. They can reflect the strain of what we are carrying, and point towards parts of life that may need attention, support or change.
This might include experiences such as the end of an important relationship, becoming a parent or carer, redundancy or retirement, receiving a diagnosis such as neurodivergence, ongoing relationship conflict, or feeling lonely, isolated or misunderstood.
Everyone experiences these moments differently. Therapy begins with curiosity about your relationships, your sense of connection, and the experiences that have shaped where you are now.
As Irvin Yalom suggested, emotional difficulties often become clearer when we understand them in the context of our relationships, life transitions, and our need for connection (Yalom, 2002).
The Importance of the Here-and-Now
Interpersonal Therapy pays attention to the here and now of your life: what is happening in your relationships, your emotional world, and your day-to-day experiences (International Society of Interpersonal Psychotherapy).
In a collaborative and supportive space, there’s time to explore whatever feels most emotionally present or important to you.
Together, you might explore changes in relationships, feelings of loneliness or disconnection, ongoing tensions, life transitions, grief, or patterns that keep leaving you feeling stuck or emotionally overwhelmed.
By slowing down and paying attention to what is happening in the present, it can become easier to understand how your experiences are affecting you and what may be needed moving forward.
Life changes, Losses and Transitions
Often, therapy also includes talking about experiences of grief and loss. This does not only mean bereavement, but also the less recognised losses that can deeply affect us, such as changes in identity, existential thoughts, loss of health, infertility, drifting apart from someone important, or the ending of a relationship or friendship that was never fully processed or mourned.
Sometimes these experiences affect how we feel about ourselves, and our sense of connection with others long after they have happened (Bylund-Grenklo et al., 2016).
Counselling can also help during periods of transition and change. Even changes that are wanted or expected can feel emotionally unsettling.
Becoming a parent, separating from a partner, moving country, changing career, or adjusting to illness can all bring uncertainty, pressure, or a sense of no longer quite knowing where you fit.
In counselling, there is space to make sense of what has changed, what may have been lost, and how these experiences may still be affecting you in the here and now (Weissman et al., 2017).
Relationships, Connection, and Emotional Wellbeing
Some people come to therapy feeling lonely, disconnected, or stuck in repeating relationship patterns.
Others may struggle with closeness, expressing emotions, ongoing conflict, or feeling misunderstood by the people around them. Over time, these experiences can affect emotional wellbeing and leave people feeling drained or alone with things.
Therapy offers space to explore these experiences with curiosity and care. Together, we can begin to notice similar difficulties showing up, understanding emotional responses more clearly, and explore new ways of relating and communicating with others (Knobloch-Fedders & Wilson, 2020).
The Therapeutic Relationship
Sessions are usually experienced as collaborative, active, and supportive. The therapist is engaged in the process alongside you, helping you reflect, make connections, and explore what may be happening beneath the surface.
Many therapists also pay attention to what happens within the relationship between therapist and client itself.
Irvin Yalom believed that the ways people relate in therapy can sometimes reflect how they relate in other parts of life, such as fearing rejection, holding back emotions, or struggling to feel understood (Yalom & Leszcz, 2020).
Healing Through Connection
Many of us carry the impact of difficult relationships, life changes, or losses for longer than we expect. We keep going, even when we’re feeling increasingly alone, misunderstood, or disconnected.
Therapy offers a space to make sense of what’s been happening. Together, we can explore the relationships, challenges and experiences that matter to you, helping you find new ways of moving forward with greater understanding, self-compassion, and a stronger sense of connection.
If you’d like to explore this, please feel free to get in touch.
References
- Cuijpers, P., Donker, T., Weissman, M. M., Ravitz, P., & Cristea, I. A. (2016). Interpersonal psychotherapy for mental health problems: A comprehensive meta-analysis. American Journal of Psychiatry, 173(7), 680–687.
- Bylund-Grenklo, T., et al. (2016). Unresolved grief and its consequences. Supportive Care in Cancer, 24(7), 3095–3103.
- International Society of Interpersonal Psychotherapy. (n.d.). Overview of IPT.
- Knobloch-Fedders, L. M., & Wilson, S. J. (2020). Interpersonal behaviour in couple therapy. Psychotherapy Research, 30(2), 183–194.
- Van Hees, M. L., et al. (2013). The effectiveness of interpersonal psychotherapy. BMC Psychiatry, 13, 22.
- Weissman, M. M., Markowitz, J. C., & Klerman, G. L. (2017). The Guide to Interpersonal Psychotherapy. Oxford University Press.
- Yalom, I. D. (2002). The Gift of Therapy. HarperCollins.
- Yalom, I. D., & Leszcz, M. (2020). The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy. Basic Books.
- Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential Psychotherapy. New York, NY: Basic Books.
Katrin Kemmerzehl
I am a qualified psychotherapeutic counsellor in Newcastle upon Tyne.
Please get in touch if you’re interested in arranging a consultation.