A Warm, Understanding Approach to Counselling
27 Jan – written by Katrin Kemmerzehl – Blog
If you’re neurodivergent, or wondering whether you might be, you may have spent a long time feeling like life asks more of you than it seems to ask of other people.
You might feel exhausted from trying to keep up, overwhelmed by sensory demands, drained by social situations, or quietly carrying the sense that you are somehow “too much” or “not enough.”
Many neurodivergent people spend years adapting, masking, and pushing themselves through environments that do not always fit how their nervous system works (Hull et al., 2017). Over time, that can become exhausting.
Counselling can offer a space where you do not have to perform, explain everything perfectly, or force yourself into expectations that do not fit. Neurodiversity-affirming therapy begins with the understanding that different ways of thinking, feeling, communicating, and experiencing the world are a natural and valuable part of human variation (Singer, 2017; Armstrong, 2010).
Understanding Neurodiversity
Neurodiversity describes the natural differences in how people’s brains process information, experience emotions, communicate, focus attention, and respond to the world around them. This includes experiences such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, and other forms of neurodivergence (National Autistic Society, 2023).
Being neurodivergent can bring many strengths—creativity, deep focus, sensitivity, originality, strong values, curiosity, or a rich inner world. It can also bring genuine challenges, especially in environments shaped around neurotypical expectations.
Often, the difficulty is not simply the individual, but the mismatch between the person and the demands placed on them (Armstrong, 2010).
Why Neurodivergent People Come to Therapy
People come to counselling for many reasons, but some common experiences often include:
- feeling exhausted or burnt out
- masking and feeling disconnected from yourself
- struggling with overwhelm, anxiety, or shutdown
- feeling misunderstood in relationships
- difficulties with boundaries or people-pleasing
- navigating identity, diagnosis, or self-understanding
- low self-esteem shaped by years of feeling different
- major life changes, stress, or uncertainty
Sometimes clients arrive feeling deeply tired without fully knowing why. Sometimes they have spent years blaming themselves for struggles that make much more sense when viewed through a neurodivergent lens.
Therapy can offer space to understand what is happening with more compassion and clarity.
Masking Can Be Exhausting
Many neurodivergent people learn early in life to hide parts of themselves in order to fit in, avoid criticism, or feel safer socially. This is often called masking.
Masking may involve carefully monitoring how you speak, forcing eye contact, suppressing natural movements, rehearsing conversations, over-preparing, or pushing through exhaustion while appearing calm and capable (Hull et al., 2017).
Often, this becomes so familiar that it no longer feels like masking. It simply feels like life.
But holding yourself together all the time can be draining. Over time, many people experience burnout, exhaustion, anxiety, or a sense of losing touch with who they really are.
Therapy can become a place where some of that pressure softens.
What Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapy Looks Like
Neurodiversity-affirming therapy is not about changing who you are. It is about understanding yourself more deeply and finding ways of living that support your wellbeing.
This may include:
- exploring your emotional world at your own pace
- understanding your nervous system and sensory needs
- recognising burnout before it becomes overwhelming
- developing healthier boundaries
- reducing shame and self-criticism
- building self-advocacy in work, family, or relationships
- finding communication styles that feel natural to you
- creating more space for rest, authenticity, and self-acceptance
A good therapeutic relationship also allows room for flexibility. Some clients think aloud, some prefer pauses, some communicate best through writing, imagery, movement, or reflection. Therapy does not have to look only one way (Babb et al., 2021).
The aim is not to make you fit a mould. The aim is to help you understand yourself and live in ways that feel more manageable, sustainable, and true to you.
A Space to Feel More Like Yourself
Many neurodivergent clients describe relief when they begin working in a way that feels accepting rather than corrective.
Relief at being understood.
Relief at not having to explain everything.
Relief at recognising that some lifelong struggles make sense.
Relief at discovering there may be nothing fundamentally wrong with them.
From that place, people often begin building greater self-understanding, confidence, self-compassion, and steadier ways of navigating life.tional understanding.
Moving Forward With Clarity and Compassion
Neurodiversity-affirming therapy is not about becoming a different person. It is about understanding yourself with more kindness, recognising your needs, and building a life that supports who you are (Singer, 2017).
If this resonates with you, and you’re curious about counselling, you are very welcome to get in touch.
References:
- Anderson, L. K. (2023). Autistic experiences of applied behavior analysis. Autism, 27(3), 737–750.
- Armstrong, T. (2010). The power of neurodiversity: Unleashing the advantages of your differently wired brain. Da Capo Lifelong Books.
- Babb, C., Brede, J., Jones, C. R., Elliott, M., Zanker, C., Tchanturia, K., & Fox, J. R. (2021). ‘It’s not that they don’t want to access the support… it’s the impact of the autism’: The experience of eating disorder services from the perspective of autistic women, parents and healthcare professionals. Autism, 25(5), 1409–1421.
- Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., et al. (2017). “Putting on my best normal”: Social camouflaging in adults with autism. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519–2534.
- National Autistic Society. (2023). Understanding autism.
- Singer, J. (2017). Neurodiversity: The birth of an idea. Redditch: John Wiley & Sons.
Katrin Kemmerzehl
I am a qualified psychotherapeutic counsellor in Newcastle upon Tyne.
Please get in touch if you’re interested in arranging a consultation.