Therapists Have Therapists Too

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The Client’s Perspective

19 Sept – written by Katrin Kemmerzehl – Blog

Here’s something that might surprise you: therapists have therapists too. In fact, for many of us, it’s not just part of the training, it’s also a personal choice.

When I was studying to become a counsellor, attending regular therapy was a requirement. At first, it seemed daunting. But over time, it became one of the most meaningful parts of the journey.

Why do therapists need therapy? For starters, it helps us experience what it’s like to be in the client’s seat, to feel the vulnerability, the hesitation, the relief, the awkward silences, and the small triumphs of self-discovery. We learn not just intellectually, but emotionally, what it means to be with someone who is truly listening.

This personal experience is crucial. It helps us become more compassionate, more grounded, and more attuned to the subtle dynamics of the therapeutic space. It teaches us how to hold space for others, because we’ve had to learn how to hold space for ourselves.

Irvin Yalom, psychiatrist and author, advocates for therapists engaging in personal therapy, believing that self-exploration enhances their empathy, self-awareness, and effectiveness with clients.

He views undergoing therapy as essential for confronting one’s own fears, biases, and emotional patterns, which helps prevent these issues from unconsciously affecting the therapeutic relationship. For Yalom, personal therapy is not just a professional tool but a vital part of living an examined, authentic life (Yalom, 2009).

Training to be a counsellor is a bit like studying for a degree in psychology, while also being your own case study. As trainees, we’re asked to dig deep into our personal histories, question our assumptions, and confront the parts of ourselves we’ve long kept hidden.

Entering therapy has helped me to confront not only external events but also my own role, something that isn’t always obvious. It’s not always easy and at times, it can be uncomfortable. But discomfort can also be a part of growth.

While personal therapy is essential during training, many therapists return to it throughout their careers. It’s not about perfection, it’s about humanity. Because therapists are just normal human beings going through life’s challenges. They also navigate loss, conflict, burnout, and uncertainty, just like anyone else.

We learn to sit with discomfort, our own and our clients’, and we become more resilient, more self-aware, and ultimately, more effective in the work we do.

I know how transformative therapy can be, not just from the therapist’s side of the room, but from the client’s too. It is for reflection, growth, accountability, freedom and positive change.

A Space to be heard

The relationship and connection between therapist and client is often more important than credentials and is highly correlated with therapy improvement (Yalom, 2012).

What matters most is whether you feel heard and understood. In those moments, therapy gives us a space to be seen, to process, to reflect, and to recalibrate.

During counselling, we can begin to notice our own patterns, the ways we avoid pain, protect ourselves, react under stress, or relate to others. It’s a place to be human and a reminder that healing is a continuous journey, not a fixed destination.

An emotional health check-up

You don’t need to be in crisis to come to therapy. Emotional discomfort or dissatisfaction alone can justify therapy.

Whether your difficulty seems “small” or “big,” emotional pain, such as loss, doubts, life changes, neurodiversity, relationship issues, or even vague sadness, can be valid reasons to seek counselling.

Therapy can be viewed like a regular health check-up: just as we visit a doctor to maintain our physical health, therapy can help maintain our emotional and mental health.

It gives you time and space, 50 minutes straight, with no disruptions to slow down, access your feelings, and process them in a way that regular life doesn’t always allow.

Update your Story

When people come into therapy, they are telling a story as they see it. And we all think that our version of the story is the accurate version. It’s not that we are trying to mislead, but there might be other versions of the story that we sometimes can’t see. And that’s where we often get stuck.

We might be carrying around stories like, “I’m unlovable,” or, “I’m not good enough”, or “I can’t trust anyone,” or, “Nothing will ever work out for me.”

Therapists often act as ‘editors’ where they help people to edit their faulty narratives, to see the other perspectives, to see what stories they’re carrying around that maybe are old stories that never were true or maybe aren’t true anymore.

And when we understand more about all the different perspectives in the story, we can make choices about what we want do. It can be really empowering to realise that we have more agency than we thought.

Therapy helps you connect more deeply with yourself and others

Therapy at any age can help us to relate more compassionately to ourselves and to those around us.

Often, people feel like they’re trapped or stuck. It’s true that we can’t control others, but by changing our own behaviour and our attitude, we have influence (Frankl, 1959). It’s a bit like dancing. If you do different dance steps, others will have to do different dance steps as well.

Therapy is more than insight, it’s also action. It makes a difference what you do with that insight in your life. By seeing life more clearly, we can identify obstacles that are holding us back, improve our relationships, and make meaningful changes that align with our goals and values.

Learning to be kind to yourself

Even as a therapist, Lori Gottlieb found that being in therapy herself was eye-opening. In her book ‘Maybe you shoukd talk to someone’ she shares how her own experience working with a therapist revealed the vulnerability and self-awareness she often asks of her clients, showing that everyone, no matter their background or what life stage they are in, can benefit from guidance and self-reflection.

She explained that therapy can help people develop self-compassion by encouraging them to treat themselves with the same kindness and understanding they offer others, gradually replacing harsh self-criticism with acceptance and empathy (Gottlieb, 2019).

Therapy is about growing

Therapy isn’t just about feeling better in the moment, it’s about growing. Sometimes sessions can feel painful, but that discomfort is often part of the process toward clarity and change.

Being in the therapeutic space, as a client or therapist, shows what it means to be human, and where our humanity is.

Some people plan to attend only a few sessions, but sometimes they stay much longer and learn more about themselves than they expected.

The goal is not necessarily happiness. It can be meaning, fulfilment, connection, and being alive, whatever that means for each of us.

Recognising our own struggles as part of the shared human experience is key to nurturing compassion. Over time, we can internalise this supportive mindset, making it easier for us to navigate life’s challenges with patience and care.

If you’d like to explore therapy for yourself, you’re very welcome to get in touch.

References

Katrin Kemmerzehl

I am a qualified psychotherapeutic counsellor in Newcastle upon Tyne.
Please get in touch if you’re interested in arranging a consultation.

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