What Being a Client Taught Me
19 Sept – written by Katrin Kemmerzehl – Blog
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to sit in the client’s chair? I know that experience myself. During my training as a counsellor, personal therapy became part of my journey. At first, it felt daunting. Opening up to someone else can feel unfamiliar, exposing, and deeply vulnerable.
Yet over time, it became one of the most meaningful parts of my growth. It taught me, in a way no textbook ever could, what it feels like to be the one reaching out, the hesitation, the awkward silences, the relief when someone truly listens, and those moments of insight that feel like small triumphs.
Living that experience has deepened the compassion, presence, and understanding I bring
Living that experience has deepened the compassion, presence, and understanding I bring when being with my clients.
Why Therapy Matters
It’s about more than talking. It’s about feeling seen, understood, and supported, having a space where you can explore your emotions, notice patterns, and reflect on experiences that may be difficult to face alone.
Sometimes, even small moments of insight, such as recognising a familiar habit, trying a different response, or beginning to see yourself more clearly, can lead to meaningful change (Yalom, 2009). Often, understanding yourself more deeply can bring a sense of clarity, freedom, and aliveness.
You Don’t Have to Be in Crisis
You don’t need to be in crisis to seek support. While many people think therapy is only for when life has fallen apart, that isn’t how it always begins.
Many people come because they feel stuck, are moving through a life transition, exploring neurodiversity, questioning relationships, long-standing patterns, or simply wanting to understand themselves more deeply.
Just as we look after our physical health, tending to our emotional wellbeing matters too, giving ourselves space to pause, reflect, and respond to what needs care (Frankl, 1959).
A Space to Understand Yourself
We spend so much of life responding to what is asked of us that we can lose sight of what is happening within us.
Setting aside time to pause and reflect offers a chance to listen more closely to your inner world, to notice what has shaped you, and to consider how you want to live.
Making space to turn inward can help you reconnect with yourself and help you consider how you want to live. Therapy can become a place to explore questions of meaning, identity, and connection, and to meet yourself with greater honesty, curiosity, and compassion as you move through the world.
The Stories We Carry
We all carry a story about who we are, shaped by our experiences, relationships, and the meanings we have made along the way.
Sometimes these inner narratives become weighted by painful beliefs such as “I’m not enough,” “I can’t trust anyone,” “Nothing will ever work out for me,” or “I’m unlovable” (Yalom, 2009; Gottlieb, 2019 ).
Often, these beliefs begin to feel like truth, influencing how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, and what we believe is possible for our lives.
Seeing yourself differently
Part of this work is learning to notice those stories with greater awareness and curiosity. A therapist can help hold up a mirror, bringing patterns into view, gently questioning beliefs and narratives that no longer serve you, and opening space for new understanding (Gottlieb, 2019).
Sometimes this means exploring where certain beliefs began. At other times, it means noticing how they continue to shape your choices, relationships, and way of being in the world. Over time, even small moments of insight can feel quietly freeing.
You may begin to realise that your thoughts and reactions are not fixed, and that new ways of responding are possible. Therapy is not about erasing your story, but understanding it more deeply, honouring what has shaped you, and gently loosening the hold of what no longer belongs.
Healing in Relationship
The relationship and connection between therapist and client is often more important than credentials and is highly correlated with therapy improvement (Yalom, 2012).
What matters most is whether you feel heard and understood. In those moments, therapy gives us a space to be seen, to process, to reflect, and to recalibrate. During counselling, we can begin to notice our own patterns, the ways we avoid pain, protect ourselves, react under stress, or relate to others.
Carl Rogers & Stevens (1967) emphasised the importance of being met with genuine acceptance and understanding in a therapeutic relationship. I have found that to be one of the most important parts of the work, both as a therapist and as someone who has sat in the client role.
Therapy offers a dedicated space that’s just for you, where you can speak freely without managing anyone else’s reactions and begin exactly where you are.
Being in therapy yourself, as Lori Gottlieb discovered, can also show you what it feels like to be held with curiosity and care, and how transformative that experience can be (Gottlieb, 2019).
When that kind of relationship develops, people often begin to notice things they hadn’t been able to see before. It’s a place to be human and a reminder that healing is a journey.
An emotional health check-up
People seek counselling for many reasons. Feeling stuck, uncertain, less hopeful, or experiencing difficult emotions such as loss, doubts, life changes, relationship issues, or neurodiversity-related concerns can all be valid reasons to get in touch. Even a vague sense that something feels off is enough to create space for yourself in therapy.
Counselling can be viewed like a regular health check-up. Just as we visit our GP to maintain our physical health, therapy can help maintain our emotional and mental health.
It gives you time and space with no disruptions to slow down to talk about what is important to you, access your feelings, and process them in a way that regular life doesn’t always allow.
Therapy helps you connect more deeply with yourself and others
At any age, therapy can support a kinder relationship with yourself and, in turn, with those around you. Many people come feeling caught in patterns that no longer serve them, unsure how things might change. While we can’t choose every circumstance, we can become more aware of how we respond. That awareness can gently shape the relationships and possibilities around us (Viktor Frankl, 1959).
Relationships are often a little like a dance: when one person begins to move differently, the whole pattern can begin to change. It’s about becoming more aware of how you move through the world, what has shaped you, and what matters most to you.
Insight can be powerful, but lasting change often grows from how that understanding is lived. With greater clarity, new possibilities can emerge in your relationships, choices, and the way you live your life.
Learning to be kind to yourself
Even as a therapist, sitting in the client’s chair can be deeply revealing. It can bring long-held patterns into awareness, shine light on places of vulnerability, and soften the impossible standards we sometimes place on ourselves.
There is often a pressure to cope without difficulty, to have things figured out, to not need too much from others, and to keep going.
Therapy can offer a different way of relating to yourself. Often it is the small shifts that matter most, like pausing before reacting automatically or beginning to trust your own inner voice a little more. As Yalom (2009) suggests, these smaller changes can become the foundation for more lasting change.
With greater understanding often comes a kinder relationship with yourself. Over time, many people find more room for compassion, acceptance, and a calmer, kinder way of moving through life (Gottlieb, 2019).
Therapy is about growing
Feeling better is often only part of the journey. My own experience as a client reminded me that therapy is also about building a more honest relationship with yourself and noticing the parts of you that may have been overlooked for a long time.
I know what it can feel like to wonder whether you will be understood, and how meaningful it is when you are.
This space can become an opportunity to understand and trust yourself more, and explore what matters to you in a way that feels steady and supportive.
Many people come to therapy wanting to feel less anxious, less overwhelmed, or less stuck, and those things often do begin to shift. Alongside that, people often start to notice patterns that no longer serve them, relate to themselves with more kindness, and find that their relationships begin to change as they do.
Therapy is also a space for making sense of what has been carried, sometimes for a very long time. As Frankl (1959) suggests, meaning is often found not in removing difficulty, but in how we relate to what life brings.
Some people come for a few sessions, while others stay longer than they expected, discovering new insight, self-understanding, and possibility along the way. For many, it becomes about meaning, connection, fulfilment, or feeling more fully alive.
Recognising struggle as part of a shared human experience can make room for greater compassion. Whatever brings you here, having a place where you feel truly seen and heard can help you breathe more easily, reflect more honestly, and begin moving towards a life that feels more like your own.
If you’d like to explore this, please feel free to get in touch.
References
- Gottlieb, Lori (2019). Maybe you should talk to someone: A therapist, her therapist, and our lives revealed. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
- Yalom, I. D. (2009). The gift of therapy: Reflections on being a therapist. Harper Perennial.
- Frankl, Viktor (1959). Man’s Search for Meaning. Boston: Beacon Press.
- Rogers, C. R., & Stevens, B. (1967). Person to person: The problem of being human. Real People Press
- Yalom, I. D. (2012). Yalom Q&A. GW Magazine. https://magazine.gwu.edu/yalom-qa
Katrin Kemmerzehl
I am a qualified psychotherapeutic counsellor in Newcastle upon Tyne.
Please get in touch if you’re interested in arranging a consultation.