Exploring Autism – A different way of experiencing the world

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Part 1: Exploring Autism & Neurodiversity

10 Oct – written by Katrin Kemmerzehl – Blog

Understanding autism as an adult can be transformative. For many, it brings relief and self-recognition after years of feeling misunderstood or out of sync with others. In this two-part series, we delve into what it means to discover you’re autistic later in life, and how counselling can provide support, clarity, and hope.

These reflections are grounded in a neurodiversity-affirming perspective, emphasising that autism is a natural variation in human experience rather than something to be “fixed.”

Whether you’ve recently received a diagnosis, self-identify as autistic, or are simply exploring your own traits, these blog posts will try to offer understanding, compassion, and practical guidance.

Recognising Yourself, Reframing Your Story, and Finding Acceptance

Discovering, or even suspecting that you might be autistic as an adult can bring a mix of relief, confusion, and reflection. For many people, it feels like finding the missing piece of a lifelong puzzle.

You may look back and suddenly understand so much: the social exhaustion, the preference for routine, the sensory sensitivities, the deep focus on special interests, or the feeling that you were ‘almost’ fitting in, but never quite.

Autism is not a disorder to be fixed. It’s a difference in how the brain processes information, emotions, and the world. Autistic adults often experience the world in a unique way, noticing details that others may overlook, developing intense interests, and preferring routine and clarity.

Discovering that one is autistic as an adult can be both a relief and a challenge. It can provide an explanation for years of feeling different, exhausted, or misunderstood, and it can pave the way toward self-compassion and empowerment.

Late Discovery: “This Explains So Much”

Many adults come to realize their neurodivergence in their 30s, 40s, or later. This realization can be triggered by various factors such as seeing autism represented online, recognizing familiar traits in their children, or discussing their experiences with a therapist who understands neurodiversity.

People often describe this as an “aha” moment, an awareness that what they previously viewed as personal failings are actually characteristics of a different neurotype. For instance:

– “I wasn’t lazy. I was burned out.”

– “I wasn’t antisocial. I just needed recovery time.”

– “I wasn’t overreacting. The lights really were too bright.”

Viewing yourself through this new lens can be both comforting and unsettling. It encourages you to reassess your life and considering your work, relationships, education, and sense of identity with compassion rather than criticism.

Understanding the Autistic Experience

Autism is a neurodevelopmental difference that influences how individuals perceive, think, and interact with the world. While every autistic person is unique, there are some common themes that often resonate:

1. Deep Focus and Passion: Many autistic adults have intense interests, subjects or hobbies they explore in great depth. These interests provide joy, learning, and calm rather than mere “obsessions.”

2. Sensory Sensitivity: Sounds, lights, textures, or smells can be overwhelming for some. Others may seek sensory experiences, such as movement, music, or specific textures, for grounding and comfort.

3. Need for Clarity and Predictability: Uncertainty can be distressing. Clear communication and routines often help create a manageable and safe environment.

4. Authenticity and Honesty: Autistic adults frequently value truth and fairness. They may find small talk confusing, while genuine connections hold deep significance.

5. Masking and Exhaustion: Masking involves camouflaging traits to appear neurotypical, such as smiling when feeling confused, mimicking others’ body language, forcing eye contact, or suppressing stimming behaviours. While this may help individuals blend in, it often leads to anxiety, burnout, and a loss of personal identity.

Understanding Autism: A Journey Towards Acceptance

Many autistic adults have grown up not understanding why certain things felt so challenging. You might have been labelled as too sensitive, stubborn, shy, or intense. Over time, these labels can lead to feelings of shame or self-doubt. Realising that you are autistic can lift that burden.

You weren’t “too much”, you were simply navigating a world that didn’t align with your way of thinking. Therapy can assist in this re-evaluation process, helping you grieve past misunderstandings while fostering self-acceptance and learning to care for your needs.

Everyday Examples of Autistic Thinking

Autistic experiences often involve patterns of “black-and-white” or all-or-nothing thinking. For example:

  • After losing interest in a beloved project, you might feel as if that passion is gone forever.
  • A disagreement with a partner may feel like the end of the relationship.
  • Unexpected changes to plans can trigger a disproportionate stress response — not due to inflexibility, but because predictability brings a sense of safety.

Recognising these patterns can help you respond with gentleness rather than judgment. Therapy can help you understand the origins of these reactions and guide you in working with your brain, rather than against it.

Unmasking: Recovering your true Self

Unmasking doesn’t mean rejecting all social strategies or becoming a different person. It involves slowly learning what feels authentically you.

For some, this might include:

  • Saying ‘no’ to overwhelming social events.
  • Allowing themselves to stim or fidget freely.
  • Dressing for comfort rather than societal expectations.
  • Speaking openly about sensory needs or communication preferences.

Unmasking takes time and requires a sense of safety. It often involves mourning the person you thought you had to be while celebrating who you truly are.

The role of counselling

Therapy offers a safe environment to explore your identity and self-understanding, manage anxiety, burnout, or trauma from years of masking, develop communication strategies and emotional regulation skills, plan for the future with clarity and self-kindness and rebuild self-esteem that may have been diminished by misunderstandings.

A neurodiversity-affirming therapist will not pathologise your experiences but will honour your unique way of being and collaborate with you to support a balanced, meaningful life.

You Are Not Alone

The autistic community, both online and offline, is rich, welcoming, and diverse. Connecting with others who share your experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation and foster a sense of belonging.

Whether you are newly diagnosed, self-identifying, or simply curious about autism, your experience is valid. Understanding yourself is the first step toward self-compassion and empowerment.

Autism is not a barrier to living a rich, connected, and meaningful life. It represents a different way of experiencing the world, one that comes with unique strengths, sensitivities, and perspectives. Understanding yourself is often the beginning of healing.

For many autistic people, therapy can offer a space to explore experiences, make sense of challenges, and nurture self-acceptance. With empathy and respect, it becomes possible to care for yourself and move forward with greater confidence and compassion. If you feel this resonates with you, please feel free to reach out.

Stay tuned for Part 2: Understanding the Autistic Experience and How Counselling Can Help, where we’ll look at what neurodiversity-affirming therapy can offer — a space that respects your experiences and supports growth in ways that feel authentic to you.

References

UK Resources

Katrin Kemmerzehl
I am a qualified psychotherapeutic counsellor in Newcastle upon Tyne.
Please get in touch if you’re interested in arranging a consultation.

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