Understanding Autism: A Different Way of Experiencing the World

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Recognising yourself, making sense of your experiences, and developing greater self-compassion

25 June – written by Katrin Kemmerzehl – Blog

Sometimes people arrive in therapy carrying a question they have been asking themselves for years:

“Why does life seem harder for me than it appears to for other people?”

They may be successful at work, caring parents, thoughtful friends, or people who have always done their best to cope. Yet underneath, there can be a sense of exhaustion, confusion, or feeling somehow different without fully understanding why.

For some people, exploring autism offers a framework that helps make sense of experiences that may have felt puzzling for much of their lives.

Whether you have recently received a diagnosis, identify as autistic, or are simply curious about your own experiences, understanding autism can be the beginning of a different relationship with yourself.

“This Explains So Much”

Many autistic adults discover their neurodivergence later in life. Sometimes this happens after a child receives a diagnosis. Sometimes it begins with reading an article, listening to another autistic person’s story, or recognising familiar experiences in therapy.

For others, it follows years of anxiety, burnout, relationship difficulties, or feeling as though they are constantly trying to keep up with expectations that seem to come naturally to everyone else (Lewis, 2016).

For many people, this discovery can feel surprisingly emotional. There may be relief as things start to make sense, alongside sadness and grief for the years spent wondering what was wrong or trying harder to be like everyone else.

Experiences that once felt confusing can begin to make more sense. You might start to understand why social situations can feel so tiring, why you need time to recover afterwards, or why you’ve spent so much of your life feeling as though you’re working harder than everyone else just to keep up.

Research suggests that receiving an autism diagnosis in adulthood is often associated with greater self-understanding and validation (Nayyar et al., 2025). For many people, it is not so much about finding a label as finding a different way of understanding themselves.

You may recognise some of these thoughts:

“I thought I was not keeping up. Perhaps I was exhausted.”

“I thought I was not social enough, but maybe I needed more time to recover.”

“I thought I was too sensitive, but perhaps I was experiencing sensory overwhelm.”

“I thought there was something wrong with me.”

Understanding yourself in a new light can bring a sense of explanation for years of feeling different, exhausted, isolated, or misunderstood. It can also open the door to a kinder way of relating to yourself, where you begin to ask: “What has my experience actually been like?” and “What do I need in order to feel more supported and able to thrive?”

Recognising Yourself in Everyday Life

Autism is often described through diagnostic criteria, but many people recognise themselves through everyday experiences instead.

You may replay conversations in your mind long after they have ended, wondering how you came across or whether you missed something important.

You might spend hours preparing for a social event, only to need a day or two to recover afterwards.

Perhaps you feel relieved when plans are cancelled, while also feeling guilty about that relief.

You may notice details that other people overlook, become deeply absorbed in interests that matter to you, or feel overwhelmed by environments that other people appear to tolerate without difficulty.

Some people describe feeling as though they are constantly translating between their own way of experiencing the world and the expectations of other people.

Autistic experiences vary enormously, and no two people are exactly alike. Yet many people begin to recognise aspects of themselves in experiences related to communication, sensory differences, routines, interests, and relationships (Kapp et al., 2013).

When Everyday Life Takes More Energy Than It Seems To

Many autistic adults describe spending a great deal of energy navigating everyday life. Everyday tasks that others may barely notice, such as interpreting social situations, managing sensory experiences, adapting to change, or meeting the expectations of work and family life, can require significant effort.

Some also develop interests that bring enjoyment, comfort, and a sense of stability. You might spend long stretches of time learning about something that fascinates you or returning to activities that help you feel grounded.

These interests are often more than hobbies. They can be a source of calm, identity, and connection.

Everyday challenges for autistic people

Sensory experiences can have a strong impact on daily life. Bright supermarket lights, crowded spaces, brighter summer days, background noise, certain fabrics, or strong smells may feel intense or draining.

At the same time, movement, music, familiar objects, or comforting textures can bring a sense of ease and regulation.

Many people find comfort in clarity and predictability. Knowing what to expect, having clear communication, and being able to prepare for changes can make life feel more manageable. When plans change suddenly or expectations are unclear, it can take significant energy to adjust.

Relationships can also require careful attention. Many autistic adults value honesty, fairness, and meaningful conversation, while finding small talk or unspoken social expectations difficult to navigate.

Autistic experiences vary widely, but many people recognise aspects of themselves in these everyday patterns (Kapp et al., 2013).

Feeling like you’re performing rather than being yourself

Many autistic adults learn to adapt early in life.

You may have learned to watch others closely and copy what seems to work. You might rehearse conversations beforehand, think carefully about what to say, or hide parts of yourself that feel different.

Some people describe forcing eye contact, smiling when confused, or holding back movements that help them feel calm and regulated.

Researchers often describe this as masking or camouflaging (Hull et al., 2017).

These strategies often develop for understandable reasons. They can help people get through school, work, and social situations. Over time, though, constantly adapting yourself can become exhausting.

Many people describe feeling worn out, disconnected from themselves, or unsure which parts of them are “authentic” and which developed in response to expectations.

When coping stops working

For many people, therapy begins at a point where coping strategies no longer feel sustainable.

You might notice increasing exhaustion, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm. Things that used to feel manageable may start to feel harder.

From the outside, others may still see someone who is coping well.

Inside, it can feel very different.

Many autistic adults describe reaching a point where they can no longer continue in the same way, even if they are not yet sure why.

This experience is often described as autistic burnout, and it is increasingly recognised in both research and lived experience accounts (Raymaker et al., 2020).

Relationships, belonging, and feeling understood

Many autistic people describe a long-standing sense of being misunderstood.

You may feel as though you are missing something other people understand automatically.

Some people describe repeated misunderstandings in friendships or relationships, or feeling unsure about how to maintain connection.

Others describe feeling lonely even when surrounded by people.

Research suggests that these difficulties often arise from differences in communication and perspective between autistic and non-autistic people, rather than being located in one group alone (Milton, 2012).

Sometimes it is not that you are “bad at relationships”, but that connection has required a great deal of translation and effort.

Developing a kinder relationship with yourself

Many autistic adults carry years of self-criticism.

You may have been told you are too sensitive, too intense, too quiet, too direct, or somehow “too much” or “not enough”.

Over time, these messages can become internalised.

Therapy can offer a space to revisit these experiences with curiosity rather than judgment.

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?”, people often begin to ask:

“What has my experience actually been like?”

“What do I need when I feel overwhelmed?”

“What would it be like to treat myself with more understanding?”

Developing self-compassion can be an important part of this process, particularly for people who have spent years trying to adapt or fit in.

A new way of understanding yourself

Therapy can offer a space to slow things down and think about your experiences in a way that feels steady and supported.

For some people, this becomes a space to make sense of patterns in daily life, relationships, energy, and the ways they have learned to cope over time.

This might include noticing what helps things feel more manageable, what tends to lead to overwhelm or exhaustion, and what feels more supportive for you as a person.

For many autistic people, this process can include gently reflecting on long-standing ways of adapting, such as masking or pushing through, and what impact this may have had over time. It can also involve finding a bit more room for ease, clarity, and ways of living that feel more natural to you.

In a neurodiversity-affirming approach, therapy is not about changing who you are, but about understanding what supports you in your life and relationships, in a way that feels sustainable and kind to you.

If you’d like to explore this, please feel free to get in touch.

References

Katrin Kemmerzehl
I am a qualified psychotherapeutic counsellor in Newcastle upon Tyne.
Please get in touch if you’re interested in arranging a consultation.

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