Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapy: A Space to Be Yourself

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Understanding yourself with greater compassion

11 October – written by Katrin Kemmerzehl – Blog

If you’re neurodivergent, or wondering whether you might be, you may have spent years trying to work out why some parts of life seem to take so much more effort than they do for other people.

Perhaps you’ve become used to adapting to those around you, masking how you really feel, or pushing through even when you’re running out of energy. You might find yourself second-guessing conversations, putting other people’s needs first, or wondering why everyday things can leave you feeling so drained.

Understanding your neurodivergence can bring a sense of relief. It can also open up a lot of questions. You may find yourself looking back at your life with a new perspective, wondering why certain things have always felt difficult and whether there might be a way of living that feels more comfortable and more like you.

Having space to explore these experiences can help you make sense of what you’ve been through, recognise what you need and discover what works for you. Perhaps that means finding it easier to set boundaries, making more room for your energy, understanding your relationships or becoming kinder to yourself.

Over time, you may begin to trust your own experiences more, feel clearer about what matters to you and find ways to approach everyday life that feel more manageable.

Whether you’ve recently received a diagnosis, are beginning to explore the possibility of being neurodivergent, or have understood yourself in this way for many years, there is room to explore what this means for you and where you’d like to go from here (Singer, 2017; Armstrong, 2010).

Understanding Neurodiversity

Neurodiversity recognises that people naturally think, communicate and experience the world in different ways. It encompasses a range of neurotypes, including autism, ADHD, AuDHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia and other forms of neurodivergence (National Autistic Society, 2023).

These differences can shape how you communicate, process emotions, experience sensory information and relate to other people. They can bring particular strengths and perspectives, too. At the same time, everyday life can feel exhausting when the expectations around you don’t fit the way you experience the world.

Perhaps you’ve learned to mask, work hard to keep up or spend a lot of time trying to work out what other people expect from you. You might have become so used to adapting that it’s difficult to know when you’re tired, what you enjoy or what you need.

Over time, you may feel disconnected from yourself, overwhelmed by everyday demands or unsure why things that seem straightforward for other people take so much out of you.

Having space to explore these experiences can help you understand yourself with greater compassion, recognise what supports you and begin to find a way forward that feels more manageable and more your own (Armstrong, 2010).

When things have started to feel harder

There isn’t one particular reason why someone might seek support. You may be experiencing burnout, struggling with anxiety, finding relationships difficult or making sense of a recent diagnosis.

Perhaps you’re finding it harder to keep up with work, feeling overwhelmed by social situations, struggling with confidence or wondering whether you might be neurodivergent yourself.

Sometimes, there’s a particular issue you want to work through, such as boundaries, identity or a period of change. At other times, it’s harder to put your finger on what’s wrong. You may simply feel that something isn’t quite right, or that life has become more difficult to manage than it used to be.

You don’t need to have a clear explanation for how you feel or know exactly what you want to change. We can start with what’s on your mind and take things from there.

When Fitting In Becomes Exhausting

Many neurodivergent people become very good at adapting to the people and environments around them.

Perhaps you think carefully about what to say, watch how other people behave or adjust your own reactions to fit the situation. You might replay conversations afterwards, wonder whether you came across as you intended, or need plenty of quiet time after socialising.

You may even find yourself thinking, “Doesn’t everyone do this?” or wondering how other people seem to manage social situations without putting so much thought into them.

For some people, these ways of adapting have become so familiar that they’re difficult to recognise. Research into autistic masking has explored how people learn to hide or modify aspects of themselves to navigate social expectations (Hull et al., 2017).

Keeping this up can take a lot of energy. Perhaps you feel fine while you’re around other people, only to find yourself completely drained afterwards. Work, socialising and everyday interactions can leave you needing time to recover, even when nothing particularly difficult seems to have happened (Raymaker et al., 2020).

You might start wondering what it would be like to spend less time monitoring yourself and more time feeling comfortable in your own company and with other people.

Understanding these experiences can help you recognise what you’ve been doing to get by, what those adaptations have given you and where they may be costing you more than you realised.

Perhaps, little by little, a different question becomes possible: What would it feel like to be myself without having to think so hard about it?

A Time to Explore

You may have spent a long time trying to work things out on your own. Perhaps you’ve wondered, “Why does everything take so much energy?” or “Why is it so hard to know what I actually need?”

Maybe you’re used to putting other people first, but find it difficult to know what you want for yourself. You might spend a lot of time second-guessing decisions, trying to get things right or worrying about how you come across.

Perhaps you’d like to understand your people-pleasing, explore perfectionism or find it easier to say no without feeling guilty.

For some people, there’s also a feeling of “I’m not quite sure who I am underneath all of this.” Years of adapting to expectations can make it difficult to recognise your own preferences, trust your instincts or feel at ease being yourself. Research has explored links between autistic camouflaging, identity, self-esteem and wellbeing (Zhuang et al., 2023).

You may also want to make sense of burnout or overwhelm, and understand why you need so much time to recover after work, socialising or simply getting through the day. Exploring what drains your energy, what helps you recharge and what makes life feel more manageable can be a useful place to start.

Relationships may be another part of what brings you here. You might want to understand familiar patterns, communicate your needs more clearly or find ways of connecting with people that feel more comfortable. You may be trying to work out how to stay close to others while also making room for yourself.

A late diagnosis, or the possibility that you’re neurodivergent, can bring its own questions. Looking back at childhood, friendships, work and relationships, you may begin to see familiar experiences differently. Things that once felt confusing or left you wondering what was wrong with you may start to make more sense.

There’s no single right way to explore any of this. We can start wherever you are, whether you have something specific in mind or are still trying to find the words for how you feel.

A Space to Feel Understood

A helpful therapeutic relationship begins with being able to talk openly and feel that your experiences are taken seriously. You deserve space to explain things in your own way, ask questions, and share what is or isn’t working for you.

In our work together, you can bring whatever feels important, whether that’s something that happened this week, a question you’ve been turning over for years or a feeling you can’t quite put into words yet.

We can explore what life has been like for you, make sense of experiences that may have felt confusing and think about what you’d like to be different. There’s room for gentle questions and new perspectives, while keeping your experiences, needs and preferences at the centre of our work.

Whether you’re autistic, have ADHD or AuDHD, or are wondering whether you might be neurodivergent, counselling can be a space where you can bring your own way of thinking, communicating and experiencing the world.

Over time, you may find it easier to understand what you need, feel more confident in your choices and approach life with greater self-acceptance. You can begin to discover what helps you feel more at ease, what matters to you and what you’d like more of in your life.

You don’t need to have everything figured out before you begin. Sometimes, a good place to start is simply having the space to talk, feel heard and begin to see things a little differently.

If you’d like to explore working together, you’re very welcome to get in touch.

References:

Katrin Kemmerzehl
I’m a qualified counsellor based in Newcastle upon Tyne.
Please get in touch if you’d like to arrange a consultation.

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